I HAD THE MOST VIVID, LUCID DREAM LAST NIGHT ABOUT MILEY CYRUS. WE MET SOMEWHERE, I DON’T REMEMBER, I THINK IN A MANSION. HER ATTENDANTS AND NANNYS OR MANAGERS OR WHATEVER WERE EVERYWHERE. SHE WAS TREATED LIKE A CHILD BY THEM BUT SHE WAS SO ELOQUENT AND MATURE. WE HIT IT OFF ON SOME VERY WITTY INTELLECTUAL CONVERSATION, LIKE WE WERE BEST FRIENDS FOR YEARS BUT WE HAD JUST MET. SHE SAID LETS GET OUT OF HERE, AND I SAID “ARE YOU ALLOWED” SHE SAID “YEAH TOTALLY.” WE GOT IN HER CAR WHICH WAS LIKE THIS SMALL PINK CAR THAT LOOKED LIKE A FORMULA 1 CAR BUT WITH 2 SEATS IN IT. I SAID I DIDN’T KNOW YOU COULD DRIVE NOW AND SHE WAS LIKE “YEAH I’M 16″ AND I SAID “OH SHIT, I’M 26… TEN YEARS OLDER THAN YOU DAMN” I LAUGHED AND WAS EMBARRASSED. SHE SAID “IT’S OK EVERYONE TREATS ME LIKE A KID I LIKE THAT YOU’RE OLDER.” WE TALKED AND LAUGHED AND IT FELT LIKE LOVE, LIKE HEART FLUTTERING TRUE LOVE. I SAID LET’S STOP BY MY LOFTSPACE AND SHE WAS LIKE COOL, SO WE WENT THERE AND IT WAS WAY BIGGER THAN IT IS IN REAL LIFE AND THERE WAS LOTS OF CONSTRUCTION AND STUFF GOING ON IN THERE. WE WERE CHATTING AND MAYBE HAD A DRINK, I DON’T REMEMBER, BUT ALL OF THE SUDDEN JOE PESCI COMES IN WITH A BUNCH OF DUMB GOON LOOKING ITALIAN MEAT HEADS AND SAYS HE’S TAKING OVER MY LOFTSPACE TO MANUFACTURE THINGS. I WAS LIKE “MANUFACTURE WHAT” AND HE SAID “NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.” SO THEY STARTED MAKING ALL THIS SHIT IN THERE, WEIRD ELECTRONICS, AND ME AND MILEY WERE JUST CHILLIN IN THE BACK. I WAS KINDA LIKE WHATEVER, THE BUILDING’S HUGE AND JOE PESCI’S TRENCHCOAT WAS LOOKING COOL SO WHATEVER… ME AND MILEY JUST LAUGHED AND TALKED. WE FINALLY KISSED AND IT REALLY WAS LIKE WE WERE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER. LIKE I REALLY FELT IN LOVE IN THIS DREAM LIKE SERIOUS TRUE LOVE, LIKE YOU’VE PROBABLY ONLY FELT ONCE OR TWICE IN YOUR LIFE AND I FELT IT FOR REAL. I THINK I TOUCHED HER BOOBS A LITTLE BIT BUT WHATEVER, THE LOVE WAS THE POINT. SHE SAID SHE WOULD TAKE ME BACK TO THE MANSION AND I WAS LIKE “IT’S OK FOR ME TO GO THERE” AND SHE SAID “YEAH I CAN DO WHAT I WANT I’LL SNEAK YOU IN.” SO WE WERE DRIVING BACK IN HER PINK F-1 CAR AND HOLDING HANDS AND I FELT SO GOOD, LIKE THIS IS ALL I NEEDED IN LIFE WAS TO DATE MILEY CYRUS AND WE WERE GOING BACK TO LIKE, BE FRIENDS FOREVER. NEXT THING I KNOW I’M THE TOKYO AIRPORT WITH SOMEONE ELSE’S PASSPORT AND MY DAD FREAKING OUT ABOUT IT AND I’M YELLING AT HIM “THIS ISN’T REAL THIS IS A FUCKING DREAM WHY WOULD I BE IN JAPAN RIGHT NOW WITH SOMEONE ELSE’S PASSPORT.” FUNNY HOW IN A TOKYO AIRPORT I KNEW IMMEDIATELY I WAS DREAMING… BUT WITH MILEY IT FELT SO NATURAL, TRUE AND ABSOLUTELY REAL…

I WONDER IF SHE HAD THE SAME DREAM… MAYBE, JUST MAYBE SHE DID.

AND MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, SHE’LL FIND THIS…

I LOVE YOU MILEY.